Michael's Christmas
by Liz The Ripper
Summary: I had to be the first to write a Halloween X-mas fic, and I succeeded. In this pitiful tale, Michael is visited by a very annoying girl bearing presents. Um.. I SWEAR the girl isn't me... cough


Michael's Christmas  
  
Haddonfeild, Illinois was snowing, unlike the usual fall state you see it in the movies and it was no other than Christmas day! And the broken down home of the serial killer and possessed Michael Myers sadly didn't have heating. We see our favorite killer sitting on his bed in that hidden hallway, wrapped up in so many covers he looked like an Eskimo or something similar. Michael was shivering almost uncontrollably. Yes, the curse of 'Thorn' gave him lots of strength and invincibility, but it didn't shield the cold.  
  
Michael squeezed his doll with the nails sticking out of the eyes. It was so cold! And it would be very humiliating if one of his victims saw him like this. Winter sucks when you have no power in a house and have to live in an already cold basement of your house that is constantly damp. Then, there was a knocking on the door upstairs. Michael ignored it. Kids are always trying to be brave by knocking on the supposed 'boogey man's' door. Then he heard the door open.  
  
"Merry Christmas! I've got yum yums and presents!" sang a voice. Michael just stared at the wall. What the heck was somebody doing in his house offering presents? And he had plenty of yum yums! Rats that were frozen over and shoved on sticks. But then again.. . it had been almost thirty years since he had gotten a present. HE'LL KILL HER!  
  
Michael threw the covers off of him, and grabbed his famous butcher knife and stood up. Except he stepped right on an ice patch and slipped, landing right on his masked face. That was more embarrassing then painful. So after laying there for a while in silence he headed up and resisting the urge to shiver, began to stalk whoever was in his house.  
  
"MICHAEL!"  
  
Michael turned around to see a girl that had to be still only a junior high, but somewhere close to freshman year in high school. She had a Santa hat on over her short brown hair and held a present wrapped in orange and black paper. What the heck? Michael raised his knife, but the girl shoved the present right into his stomach and grinned. Michael only stared at her, breathing shallowly and ominously.  
  
"Well, are you gonna open it?" She asked.  
  
Michael grabbed the present and repeatedly stabbed it ferociously. She just stood there and kept smiling like an idiot. "DO YOU LOVE IT?"  
  
He managed to open it in the process of destroying the box, and he pulled out clothing. Only what kind? Michael stared, confused, at what he held. They were boxers. Pumpkins and bats were on them and written in red was 'Number one killer' and looked like blood was dripping off of the words. Oh god.  
  
"Yeah. I didn't know if you were a boxers or briefs kind of person but I got what I could find. And it was SO hard trying to get my hands on them. You wouldn't believe the lines at Wal-mart. talk about crazy! And you should've seen the old lady in front of me buying the fake looking shawl! Man, did she take forever! You hear what I'm saying?"  
  
He continued staring at the boxers. There was nothing in heaven or hell that can get him to wear these things. And what was more insulting was that there were five sizes bigger than him! This offended the killer and he threw the box away and something rolled out from the now pulverized present.  
  
"I think you'll like that one, too, I hand picked it myself!" The girl gloated, picking it up and handed it to Michael. He had no idea what it was, but from the bad smell it was probably that 'Axe' stuff all his victims wore. There were a few big words on it that he couldn't read. Hey, he stopped learning how to read as soon as he was six years old and wasn't taught how in the mental institution. It wasn't HIS fault.  
  
"Here, I'll read it for you!" The girl grabbed the bottle and cleared her throat, reading, "'If you like red by Giorgio you'll love our 'A LITTLE SEXY' exquisite fragrance gentle deodorant body spray.' "  
  
Michael was beyond being annoyed by this girl and in one swipe tried to decapitate her. She dropped the perfume by accident, and bending down to pick it up the knife missed her. "Oh, you wanna wear it? Let me get that for you!"  
  
She sprayed it, and it was right in his eyes. Michael took a few steps back, trying to blink and rub the painful perfume out of his eyes. It was no success, but the girl suddenly shoved the Santa hat on his head and began pulling him out of the house. "Come on, we have much shopping to do!"  
  
Michael Myers, the feared serial killer, was being dragged across his broken-down home lawn wearing a Santa hat, and was rubbing at his eyes fiercely. It was a good thing no one saw him, or it would be very embarrassing. "Hurry up, Michael! We don't want to miss the Christmas sales at Target!"  
  
The curse of Thorn quickly ended the pain, and Michael now saw that in the process of rubbing his eyes he had dropped his knife. Oh, well. He can come back and get it after breaking the girl's neck! He reached out for her neck, ready to snap the puny and worthless thing.  
  
"HIT THE DECK! DOG!"  
  
She suddenly fell to the ground, Michael tripping over her and landing in the snow face-first. He looked up to see a big, St. Bernard foaming at the mouth. Through his eyes, it was as harmless as a rabbit. "IT'S GOT RABIES! I'll take care of this!" The girl said, leaping up and whipping out the perfume.  
  
She sprayed it at the dog, and the bad smell made it gag and drop dead. Now knowing how nasty he smelled, Michael sat up and angrily walked over to the girl, who was now poking the dog in the side curiously. It did a huge muscle convulsion in response.  
  
"Oh, no! Rats are coming for the corpse!" The girl said leaping to her feet. She accidentally elbowed Michael in the stomach, and he doubled over. "EW! THE RATS ARE EATING THE DOG'S EYES!"  
  
Michael regained posture and creeped up behind the girl, who was laughing at the mob of rats dragging the dead dog away. Now, he would make her death painful. He'd crush her head! "You know, this reminds me of the time I went to King's Dominion with my friend and - OH! BEAVERWHACKER!"  
  
A car drove by with wood on it, and she turned around and smacked him across the face. Michael, now so frustrated he could kill an entire population in less than five minutes finally snapped and lunged for her. She whirled around. "THERE GOES ANOTHER!"  
  
She smacked him again, and Michael fell from mid-air and just laid in the snow. She stared at him. "Michael? Michael? Richard? Richard?"  
  
Even though he had no clue why she was calling him Richard, he continued to lay there. Maybe her vision is based on movement!  
  
"Well, okay. Merry Christmas. I have to go see Jason now and give him his briefs. Bye, Mikey."  
  
He cringed, hearing himself being called that and waited until she left. Then he sat up and turned around, too see all of the people that survived his killings staring at him. He stared back and made some motions, that looked along the lines of, 'Do not be deceived!'  
  
- - -  
  
CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE -  
  
The mighty and feared Jason Voorhees stood over his victim, machete raised and ready for the kill. After chasing this girl for weeks, he finally had her where he wanted. After being caught on fire tons of times and getting shot, stabbed and prodded with sharp objects, she was finally right here in front on him, helpless and begging for life.  
  
"MAURICE VOORHEES! YOU PUT THAT MACHETE DOWN THIS INSTANT! I'm just kidding! Merry Christmas! I've got yum yums and presents!"  
  
Jason turned around to see a girl wearing a Christmas hat. She waved as his victim ran away, screaming.  
  
- - THE STUPID END - -  
  
A/N - Do you looove it? Yes, that person was supposedly me but oh, well! The whole Richard thing is making fun of a part in the Howling: 4. Some girls husband is laying on the ground dead, and he's kind of hairy because he's a werewolf. ANYWAY! So she was just standing there saying 'Richard' over and over even though he is CLEARLY dead. So, review if you liked it. 


End file.
